Monday 8 September 2014

My Focus:Is to add more detail and punctuation.


It was a stormy night,the wind was howling through  the house.The house shifted from side too side.It was the night of night of Halloween me and my mates had been to every house on the street but, this one. The house was a old and haunted they say. We walked through the muddy thick grass too get too the deck .The deck creaked with every movement, there were cobwebs everywhere.We knocked on the door the knock echoed around the house.Suddenly the door flung opened like the hulk just punched it , Then the door broke in half.We decided too walk in with fear in to the house.The house was cold and damp It felt like someone was watching us with every step.We couldn't see anything it was all pitch black.We heard a creak behind us we, fling our heads behind us but nothing was there. We looked around asking if anyone was there. But there was no replies we kept on looking for the owner of the house.It started too get a bit late so we decided too leave but suddenly, a dim of light went away in the darkness.We heard a giggle near us, Then Suddenly i shattered to the floor in fright People jumped out of the floor.But we weren't expecting what we expected......       

2 comments:

Sarah Martin said...

Great use of adjectives Jae to create a vivid picture in the readers mind. You created powerful images in my mind, I was hooked. You created great suspense - short sentences are always effective to do that.

Unknown said...

You've used some great vocabulary in here. I love the image of the cobwebs and creaking desk.I'm keen to read what happens next.

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